If you've ever been through a deployment, you know it's not just one long stretch of missing someone. It comes in stages. There is the anticipation leading up to goodbye, the first few days when everything feels a little off, the part where you finally find your rhythm, the part where Murphy's Law decides to move into your house permanently, and eventually, the countdown that once felt impossibly long starts getting smaller.
Deployment has layers, and that is exactly where the Layers of Love Bracelet began.
Three Shades of Red, One Deployment Story
When I designed the Layers of Love Bracelet, I chose three shades of red intentionally: maroon, matte red, and the signature red you may recognize from our Remember Everyone Deployed Bracelet. Together, they tell the story of deployment from goodbye to homecoming.
Not necessarily in a perfectly straight line, because if you've lived through a deployment, you already know it doesn't really work that way. Some weeks you feel like you've completely figured it out, and the next you're wondering how everything that could possibly go wrong has somehow decided to happen at the exact same time.
The Goodbye: Matte Red
The beginning of deployment is represented by the matte red. I chose a matte finish for this part because, in a lot of ways, that's exactly how the beginning can feel. Everything is a little flat. You know the goodbye is coming, sometimes for months, but once it actually happens, there's this strange adjustment period where life just feels different. The house feels different, your routine feels different, and you're trying to figure out what your new normal is going to look like for the next several months.
This first layer represents the courage it takes to say goodbye and start that adjustment. And courage during deployment doesn't always mean feeling strong or having everything together. Sometimes it's driving home alone after drop-off, getting through the first night, or waking up the next morning and realizing that yes, this is really happening. There are a lot of days between now and homecoming, and looking at all of them at once can feel incredibly overwhelming.
One thing that can help during this stage is trying not to look too far ahead. You don't have to figure out how you're going to get through an entire deployment on day one. Get through today. Make plans for the weekend. Put something on the calendar that gives you a reason to look forward to next week. Eventually, those individual days start becoming weeks, and slowly, that feeling of everything being a little flat starts to change.
The Thick of Deployment: Maroon
Then there's the middle. Maroon represents what I think of as the thick of deployment. It's deeper and heavier, which feels fitting for the part where the adrenaline of the beginning has worn off, you've been doing this for a while, and homecoming can still feel really far away. This also seems to be the exact moment Murphy's Law decides to kick into full gear. The car starts making a weird noise, something in the house breaks, the dog needs an unexpected vet appointment, and naturally all of it happens when the one person you really want to talk to is unreachable.
But there's another side to this part of deployment too. This is often where you realize just how much you're capable of handling. Not because you suddenly have everything figured out, but because you've been figuring it out as you go. You solve problems you didn't know how to solve before, create routines that make life feel a little more normal, ask for help when you need it, and somewhere in the middle of all of that, you realize, okay, I've actually got this.
If I could give one piece of advice for this stage, it would be to find your people and let yourself lean on them. You don't need a huge circle. You need the person you can call when everything falls apart, the friend who understands why a missed phone call can completely change your mood, or someone who will grab coffee, sit on your couch, go for a walk, or just let you complain without immediately trying to make everything positive.
And let yourself have good days too. You are allowed to enjoy your life while your spouse is gone. Go on the trip. Go to dinner. Start the hobby. Make plans and give yourself things to look forward to. Having fun doesn't mean you miss them any less, and enjoying parts of your life during deployment doesn't take away from how badly you want them home.
Getting Closer to Home: Red
And then, finally, things start to feel a little brighter again. The shiny red represents that last stretch of deployment, when the countdown that once felt impossibly long is actually getting smaller and homecoming starts to feel real. I love that this bead has a shine to it because it feels like such a natural contrast to where the bracelet begins. We start with the matte red, then maroon, and slowly make our way to something brighter.
This is also the same red you'll recognize from our Remember Everyone Deployed Bracelet, which makes this final layer even more meaningful. You've spent all of these months remembering them, missing them, supporting them from afar and building a life around the distance, and now you're finally getting closer to having them home.
Of course, even this part can come with a lot of different feelings. You're excited and counting down, but you've also spent months building routines and figuring out life on your own. Homecoming can be amazing and still be an adjustment. There doesn't need to be pressure for everything to immediately go back to exactly how it was before they left. You've both lived a lot of life since that goodbye, and sometimes finding your rhythm together again takes a little time.
And then one day, you realize you're not looking at how far you have to go anymore, but how close you are to having them home.
Two Things Can Be True
Maybe one of the biggest things deployment teaches you is that two things can be true at the same time. You can be incredibly proud of your spouse and hate deployment. You can miss them terribly and also enjoy having the entire bed to yourself. You can feel strong and independent and still have days where you really wish someone else would just figure out what's for dinner.
You can be excited for homecoming and nervous about adjusting to life together again. You can have a really good month followed by a really hard week. There isn't one right way to experience deployment, and you don't have to turn every difficult part of it into something positive for it to mean something. Sometimes deployment is hard simply because it's hard.
Why I Created the Layers of Love Bracelet
The Layers of Love Bracelet was never meant to suggest that a piece of jewelry could make deployment easier. I created it because sometimes it's nice to have something tangible that represents the season you're living through and reminds you that the part you're in right now isn't the entire story.
Three shades of red represent three different parts of the journey: the courage it takes to say goodbye, the strength it takes to keep going, and the joy that comes with reunion. They are different stages and different feelings, but underneath all of them is the same love and connection that continues through every part of deployment.
Whether you're at the very beginning, somewhere deep in the middle, or finally watching that countdown get closer to zero, I hope the Layers of Love Bracelet reminds you to look at all three colors. Because when you're sitting in the maroon, sometimes it really does feel like you're going to be there forever.
But no season stays the same forever. The days keep moving, the countdown keeps getting smaller, and eventually the part that once felt so far away starts to come into view. And maybe that's what I hope these three little colors remind you of most: where you are right now is only one part of the story. There are still more layers ahead.
